sweet beginnings flower girl dresses sweet beginnings flower girl dresses 2011 for cheap on sale under $105 et_intro

Do the Right Thing

For most of us, weddings are an etiquette minefield. There’s the all-consuming issue of what to wear, and deciding whether or not to go and how much to spend can be rife with frustration. You can avert a social disaster, however, by following modern-day manners, says Peggy Post, an etiquette expert and author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, 5th Ed. Especially if you stick to your moral code.

“Etiquette is so important because it’s a code of behavior based on being respectful and considerate,” Post says. “Itâ white strapless dresses €™s not a bunch of rigid rules,” she says. Contrary to popular belief, “it’s really about people feeling comfortable with one another.â&#128 cocktail dress cocktail dress;

And nothing spells comfort quite like knowing how to handle prickly conundrums with tact and finesse. So if you’re attending a wedding this summer—or would rather skip the production altogether—here’s a wedding guest’s guide to navigating the trickiest of etiquette quandaries, from saying “I don’t” to the invite to purchasing nice (but not lavish) gifts for the happy couple.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

beach wedding crochet dresses beach wedding crochet dresses 2011 for cheap on sale under $114 et_invite

Declining the Invite

If the wedding’s out of town, decide if you really want to go. And think long and hard about whether a plane trip fits in your budget, says Sharon Naylor, author of The Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette.

“These days it’s far more acceptable to decide not go,” she says, adding that the recession has forced plenty of guests to second-guess their wedding expenses. â&#128 red wedding dress ; ball gowns ball gownsœMost people webcast their destination weddings … and there’s far less shame and family diplomacy fallout.

On the flipside, if a family decides to go, what’s happening is they’re budgeting for that to be their annual family vacation. But if it’s really close family, you should look at your budget and reshuffle,” she says. If you can, put something on hold—like home improvements or car repairs—when duty calls.

If you still decline, don’t just send in the R.S.V.P., says Naylor. It’s tacky (and, for the record, so is declining by email). Call to let the bride and groom know in an honest, drama-free way you simply canâ€&#153 sexy prom dresses ;t make it.

“The sob story doesn’t really register,” she says, “especially if they hear in two months that you’re talking about your European vacation. Really, the simpler, the better.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images

discount petite wedding gowns discount petite wedding gowns 2011 for cheap on sale under $127 et_trip

Booking the Trip

In the past, it was the bride’s family’s responsibility to pay for travel and lodging, says Naylor, the Wedding Etiquette author. But not anymore: Expecting a free ride has become rude and passé, flower girl dresses flower girl dresses and, “if the family was planning on picking up expenses, it would be stated in writing,” she says. So if the info’s not there, make plans. And if it is, don’t feel obligated to book a room where the family is staying. Trust us, no one’s going to shun you at the reception for scoring a bargain at Howard Johnson.

“Sometimes you can very often find a better deal on travel sites,” says Naylor.

"Just remember to see the big picture,” adds Amy Eisinger, editor for zoodress.com, so you don’t shell out upwards of $200 for cabs or renting a car when the bride’s family already had that arranged. “Oftentimes the [bride’s family’s] hotel will offer a discounted rate, so check out what it’s going to cost, then weigh your options,” Eisinger advises.

No matter what happens, don’t you dare make a peep about how much you spent.

“It’s the bride and groom’s day,” reminds Eisinger. “Your job is to be there and be happy for them. Don’t show up and complain about how much it cost you to be there … That would be considered inappropriate.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images

blue print sweetheart neckline dresses blue print sweetheart neckline dresses 2011 for cheap on sale under $128 et_gifts

Gift-Giving Dos and Don’ts

You’re under no obligation to give a gift to the bride and groom†prom homecoming dresses ”making the guest list alone proves you’re special.  But, keep in mind most people do give gifts, whether it’s out of generosity or the fear of leaving a bad impression, and most registries today cover every price point. Whether you decide to attend or not, give gifts at your discretion.

“Again, it’s personal code,â gowns € says Naylor. “You don’t have to buy a gift, but many people choose to give something from the registry in a more moderate price zone, or they give the $50 gift card. A lot of people would not dream of not giving something … especially if they consider the bride and groom to be more than an acquaintance.”

Base what you’ll spend on two factors, Post says: how well you know the couple and your budget. “Is this your long-lost roommate? Your cousin that you get don't along with?” she asks. “How close are you to the person getting married or the people inviting you? Are you in an entry-level job? Are you a starving artist? Be realistic. Don’t go out and buy a $300 wedding gift if you feel like you have to.”

And if you’re traveling for the nuptials, skip the gift and keep mum on its whereabouts. “The bride and groom have requested your presence, and being there is gift enough," says Eisinger. "You never owe an explanation.”

If you meant to give a gift but forgot it entirely, Eisinger says to mail a check, rather than snatching what’s left on the registry (likely cheap trinkets).

Photo Credit: Getty Images

strapless sweetheart prom dresses strapless sweetheart prom dresses 2011 for cheap on sale under $126 et_check

Writing a Check

In lieu of buying a gift, go the cash-money route and cut the couple a check. Just be tactful about it: No whipping out the blue book during the father-daughter dance, or playing 20 Questions with the chef to sleuth out the cost of dinner plates per person. Equally tacky, if not simply clueless, is putting $50 or $100 bills in the mail. Send a gift card or check in a congratulatory card well ahead of time (between six weeks and six months from when you received the save the date card, says Eisinger) instead. That way the bride and groom aren’t searching for it during their booze-soaked party.

Another option is making a charitable donation in the wedding couple’s name, says Post. “Some registries apply profits toward charities, so that’s more bang for your buck." But remember, if you are giving money to a charity, “make sure it’s a charity that won’t offend them. If they’re anti-abortion, don’t send money in to Planned Parenthood.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images

sweet beginnings flower girl dresses sweet beginnings flower girl dresses0

sweet beginnings flower girl dresses sweet beginnings flower girl dresses1 2011 for cheap on sale under $125 et_shower

Skipping Brunch, Bridal Showers & More

“Weddings have grown to be such a multi-billion-dollar industry, there’s so much hype out there,” laments Post. But just because the bride’s hosting three showers, a bachelorette party and an engagement brunch in Maui doesn’t mean you have to show up—or show up with gifts.

“If you’ve been invited to every association with the wedding, pick and choose the events that you’re going to go to and come up with a total amount that you’re going to be spending,” Eisinger advises. “Spend the most on the wedding. Attending that should be the first priority. Skip the bridal shower. You shouldn’t spend $100 on the shower and $20 on the wedding gift.”

If guilt sets in, do a budget like the one Eisinger offers here: Set aside $40 for the engagement gift, $50 for the shower gift and $110 (at most) on the wedding gift. â prom dresses €œThe bachelorette party doesn’t have to be a ‘gift’ gift,” she adds, “you can split dinner and buy drinks with the bridesmaids. The same goes for the bachelor party.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images

sweet beginnings flower girl dresses sweet beginnings flower girl dresses2

sweet beginnings flower girl dresses sweet beginnings flower girl dresses3 2011 for cheap on sale under $145 et_dress

A Dress for All Seasons

For women, “it used to be everyone would go out and get a new dress for a wedding,” Naylor recalls. Now women are spending less and investing in a go-to dress that will work just as well in casual and dressed-up settings.

“The idea is to get one dress and accessorize it in different ways so it works for the five or six weddings you have to go to,” she said. Eisinger agrees, calling the wedding guest ‘dress for all seasons’ &#226 bridesmaid dresses purple bridesmaid dresses purple;€œ a staple wardrobe piece, like a sweater, or anything else.”

If you’re in the market for wedding attire, consider snapping up navy, brown or “muted neutrals,” like dark tan, which Naylor assures us “will work just beautifully all through the season, and with most people’s coloring as well.”

Photo Credit: Getty Images